Frenzy

I'm feeling frenzied today.  I've been in a cleaning frenzy all morning.  I've been in a writing frenzy, but the kind of frenzy where I have the ideas but can't seem to get them into the RIGHT words onto the page.  I've got a frenzy of activity in my life with work and children and church-related things.  I'm also in a frenzy of worry over my dad, whose health is just not at all what I want it to be. 

Dad has to begin dialysis treatments in the near future.  He has a couple of tests to complete first, and then the dialysis will begin.  I am torn over this news.  I absolutely hate the finality of dialysis.  Once he begins, he'll never be able to stop.  It will be a constant part of his life as long as he's living.  This is pretty depressing for him, but it also depresses me because it really means he'll be pretty much stuck in Oklahoma.  There will be no trips here to Tennessee to see us.  That makes me so sad.  He has never seen this home that we've made in Bartlett.  When we moved here in July 2009, Mom was already too sick to travel.  Now she is gone, but Dad is too ill to travel.  I would like to show off my home to my family.  It's really not much, but it's ours and we love it.  It only makes sense that I want to share it with the people I love. 

So the finality of dialysis is the downside, but the upside is that Dad will most likely feel much better when the procedures begin.  He will most likely gain some of the strength he has lost.  I have to admit that having my dad as weak as he is now scares me.  He has always been so strong and healthy.  This change in him has thrown me.

We spent Labor Day weekend with Dad.  The boys enjoyed their time with Poppa Jim even though he can't do many of the things he used to do with them.  They still think he's the best Pop in the world.  I'd have to agree. 

We also visited the cemetary and got our first look at Mom's headstone.  It looks nice.  Classy and pretty, just like she was. If you can see on the headstone, their wedding anniversary was Sept. 2nd.  They would have celebrated 44 years.

Sometimes Mike complains about the busy-ness of our life with two active boys.  His upbringing was a bit different from mine.  My childhood was spent with kids in and out of our home.  Mom always  had enough supper to feed at least one or two more at the table.  We spent as much time at football or basketball games as we did at home.  I did more than half of my homework sitting in the bleachers before a game.  I loved it.  I also had no idea that many mothers would NOT have welcomed so many urchins to their supper tables or have been so willing to be at every single activity.  I want to be that kind of mom.  So even though I sometimes feel FRENZIED with everything going on in our lives, I welcome the crazy.  Sometimes crazy is pretty darn good.